I’m a person that values relationships. Somehow, I always have. I’ve been in my current relationship for ten years now. We have a beautiful son together and I couldn’t be more thankful for that.
If I was naïve, like I was in the past, I’d say not much can go wrong. I’m far from the naïve girl I once was, though.
Relationships all have their extreme highs and excruciatingly painful lows. To say anything less would be a drastic understatement.
Case and point, take one of our most recent arguments. It was the most hurt I’ve felt in a long time by him. Our son was playing with his iPhone apps as a treat. Months earlier, he downloaded a few educational apps for our little one as a reward for exceptional behavior.
The irony is his Daddy’s behavior, I was about to find out, was not so exceptional. Our son deleted some family photos and my other half got upset. “Aww, man…I think those were the pictures from my mom’s house!” He stated with a look on his face I know all too well means: “I need to fix this now!” Rather than see him go insane, I picked up his phone and explained a viable solution.
I went into detail about how (on an iPhone) there is a feature called Photo Stream that can act as a backup with photos that have been deleted. If you have this enabled, you may be in the clear. So, as I shuffled through his Photo Stream to search for the missing photos, I came across a screenshot of a text message. The message read something like this:
“I’ll be at [insert my name here] grandfather’s house on Sunday. Then the bachelor party.”
(This is as best as I can remember it, but I know it was worded differently and contained much more slang.)
Hurt filled me almost instantly. Counterintuitively, I held it in. I didn’t mention anything until the next day. Maybe this was where I went wrong, but I felt it best to hold back until I had cooled down.
He had told me he was “going out” with friends Sunday night (the following Monday was a holiday) and I naturally assumed this meant just going out and having a few beers with his buddies. What I didn’t know, and what he neglected to tell me was they were going to be having a bachelor party for one of his friends. So, this wasn’t some creative lie, but rather a lie by omission. (A big no-no in committed relationships.)
If he had told me the truth, there’s a chance I wouldn’t have been so upset. I most likely would’ve just gave him my blessing to go and have fun. I know some of you may be saying, “No, you wouldn’t have, you’re a woman and you still would’ve flipped out!” Maybe, just maybe, there’s a little truth to that. Although, I’d never know, would I? I was robbed of that chance.
We did wind up talking this out. It took a while but we’ve worked things out with no separation and without shouting. I simply stated why this hurt me and how something like that could diminish my trust in him. I mean, if he felt the need to lie…this made me think that something I shouldn’t know about must be going on. Thoughts like that are toxic to a person like me because I then spin an endless web of negative thinking. Then, I say to myself “I wonder what else he hasn’t told me.”
The moral of this story is, be truthful with your partner at all times, if possible. We all make mistakes, but trust and communication are the two most important keys to a successful relationship.
After all, you just may forget something at the strip club; your partner’s trust.
 screenshot: noun
A photo capture of the contents on a screen. This is usually taken by the device itself.
This article is Part 1 of 2 articles I’m contributing to this month’s Monthly Peace Challenge: Peace at Home . Part 2 will be somewhat of a counterexample of this, and talk more about how to create trust and build communication, rather than destroy it.
(Kozo read my mind again with this one, as I was planning this article a few days before he announced this month’s topic.)